twisting roads of avalon

in the spiral of life

2005-04-29T12:03:27Z

i wonder why we can't seem to always enjoy living, like properlly living. being in the thick of things with life fully around you.so much has been happening and i have been living to the full, but why then do i feel rather sombre? i wonder if im just missing Al, or missing having one person to share all my thoughts and experiences with. that one person who you will take advice from as you know they know you as well as yourself and only want the best for you..... why can't we ever hold onto that. and why are people so fucken determined to act like martyrs with me, its always 'i think you'd be better off with someone else', or 'i think you should be single' when thats not what they want at all. what about what i want, am i so unable that i can't choose things for myelf, what gives someone else the right to tell me what i need as i am the only person who can ever know this truly....grrrrrrrr!
some things are going ok though, i took my vows on tuesday, no more intoxicants for me ever...wow!and i can't wait till beltane, although that could just serve to confuse me even more....well not so much confust me but most definately confuse ruaraidh, not that he knows where his head is at anyway. i sure know how to pick them....maybe they are all right maybe i should just take myself off into a cave somewhere...perhaps ive had enough of life washing over me for now and need a slight break....*sigh* wh knows....
answers on a postcard please.
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moving madness

2005-04-01T12:28:32Z

well thats it finally happened, i have officially moved house! how scary, to think this is the beginning of the dream, living with my band, touring with the band and managing the band. how i get myself into these things i realy don't know.
crazy day in which everything went wrong, i did my back in on wednesday and was told to stay in bed and not lift anything-no can do im afraid! so....after that the guys with the vans were late, the flat wasn't ready and all hell broke loose, but i think its all ok now. i have my room sorted roo-my rabbit- seems to be settled in adn i now have my deposit from my old flat back in my pocket!
have a gig tonight which should be fun, and tomorrow night in the borders-masked ball that one, then again on sunday after i run home to see my horses-they are going to be 10! now that i can't believe. oh the joy work tomorrow should be fun. ah well no rest for the wicked eh?!
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the middle of the sticks

2005-03-29T11:14:32Z

just got back yesterday from a treck up to the highlands, Glenfinnan to be precise, for a gig with Jacob's Pillow. Worked all day on Satuarday, then left on sunday about lunch time. would have been sooner had, certain people not forgotten to put their clocks forward!
the drive was wonderful, Led Zepplin playing, Spliffs a rolling and good chat, good views with some of the most wonderful people i have ever met. we had to stop off and pick up Bruce-random piper who was coming with us to play that evening. then it was further up the road. i cannot even begin to explain how great it was to get out of the city, to leave all the noise, the stress, the mind fuck. i felt myself beginning to relax, properly relaxing for the first time in rather a while. now that could have been down to the smokes being handed round or the fresh air, ill let you decide.
the hotel was immense, so much for the 'informal' gig, i felt like i should have been wearing a ball gown, not some hippy trippy clothes that made me look like a gypsie! my room was a single, thank goodness-i could just imagine having to spend the night with tam which wouodn't have been the most comfortable of situations given recent discussions and emotions, dont think Al would have been to impressed at it either.... but thankfully i got a sinlge room, with an en suit almost bigger than the rooom itself, and the bath....wow the bath! somehow managed to fit in 3 baths in 2 days of staying there, bliss!
had a meal then played the gig, the pub itself was rather small with kiddies dancing around to our muci, reminded me of times when i was little, parents stoned but happy and me dancing away to whoever was making the tunes at the time. wished i was their age again, but never thought it would be me that they were dancing to....

next day i took a walk in the morning, was good just to listen to the wind again, ive missed that feeling. we went to loch ness and the falls, i wanted to neer leave. but we did and the drive home took forever. got in and spent the evening with al, think things are finally sorted there, at least i hope so. why am i always the one who ends up in intense conversations with people....?

today is going to be a sort everything out kind of day, need to pack for my move on thursday, am excited and scared.....hope everything will be alright. itll be great living with the band and make everything so much easier, but i just hope that tam can be my friend and be happy with that. but as always only time shall tell. update soon as.
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